The Devil Duck

I worship cows, I worship cows on the alter of the BBQ...oh i'm going to hell for that one arn't I ? - Me

It's not Wal-Mart, Tom Thumb requires pants. - LW

I want to be cremated...One word for you Zombies...You may be laughing about it now, but I'm just saying... - DS

if I have you use the paddles(cardiac) on you i'm gonna laugh - LW

If the players aren't making 3 mil on average I don't know anything about the sport - JS

ok I don't know how I should take this.

Nand and Nor Gates built into a universal gate that mimics transistor architecture used to create a magnetic based non volatile computer. - Me

Ok... that was not a Pat sentance. Although cool. - DG

The monkey did not enjoy it, and he's not smiling, he's had botox! - LW

Granted the confessionals can be funny, but i still scooted a little bit away so nobody would see me near the chic reading cosmo at a political speech - JW

What's more, I will track your IP address, find your real address, and arrange for you to be nuked from orbit. I may be kidding about that last part; I may not. You have no real way of knowing. - KP

Tech support chat means that they can type with a bad accent rather than speak with it. I am not certain which I find more offensive. - PC

We have two today

Less Men in Black, More Hello Kitty - CH

I don't know what to think when I see a stethoscope stuck in a car door... Doc in training or stripper prop? - LW

yummm tastes like oppression... - DS

I truly am in horror of the living conditions my good friend Jo is forced to live in. Not the conditions the rampant case of stupid that has infested her dorm room. I'll set the scene for you, her two suite mates are studying for a history exam.

jo: so they're studying for i guess a history exam
me: the room mates?
jo: one of them is talking about the bombing of hiroshima and nagasaki
me: oh no
jo: the other asks - who are they?
jo: then she says something about midway. they both start discussing which one of the HAWAIIAN ISLANDS IT IS!
me: doh
jo: jesus. so the germans won the battle of the bulge in france
jo: did you know that?

we won't even get started on her own history teachers view of wars in history.

This is why I will always bow down and worship the comic genius that is Dan

"What, are you just not reading the right books (and burning the wrong
ones)? The UN is taking over the world and implanting RFID's in all
the chosen. They are putting fluoride in the water to poison our
precious bodily fluids!"

This all stems from a discussion about what the ESRB rating for a game that allows "troops in combat and wield modern military weaponry throughout the game world." , "Recover ancient scriptures and witness spectacular Angelic and Demonic activity as a direct consequence of your choices." , and of course "Play multiplayer games as Tribulation Force or the AntiChrist's Global Community Peacekeepers with up to eight players via LAN or over the internet!". This of course is not the latest game from Rock star nope its the Left Behind Game

In my opinion your much more valuable then level 60. - JS

We have a new boss here at work, things are changing and she wanted to make a point. This appeared on the back of the outline of changes.

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." - W(illiam) Edwards Deming

don't know about my coworkers but I got the point.

When your loved one makes a mushy statement of

I could just melt into you - LW

The proper response should not be

But Honey that sounds awfully clingy to me - Me

even with a smile on your face, they just don't find it funny.

Is it pompous for me to hate the ignorance of youth? - LW

Oh dear god the Irony!

This was on a quick in class free writing assignment, oh i should point out the assignment in question was hand written.

"A wise person just told me, Always trust people whose writing you can't read. Because you have no choice" - EB

My hand writing is horrible, probably worse then horrible. Doctors would have trouble reading my hand writing. I still got full credit for the assignment so it can't be all bad.

We have two quotes for this past weekend.

"She was all over the stage like a drunken Monkey!" - LW

"See what happens when you get jealous, your boyfriend gets hurt" - KD

My first ever Surreal Moment of the Day

Two young ladies maybe 14 years of age decked out in full gear approached me at the scenario paintball event on Saturday. One of them looked up at me with these big blue full of innocence eyes and asked me a single question

"excuse me sir, do you know where we are supposed to catch the chopper to the LZ?"

Ummm ya its over here.....

I'm not a sexist, I've meet and felt lucky to team up with some dam good female players, but most of the ones I've meet and teamed up with have been older.

"Ya Islam is just a heretical version of Christianity, just like all the other religions" - Some brain washed armchair theologian trying to impress his girlfriend with how smart he was at lunch after church.

Ya know that sound effect they use on TV when someone says something that brings the room to a stand still, you know the sound I'm talking about like a needle being pulled off a vinyl record. I actually heard that sound in my head when the guy sitting in the booth behind me at lunch said that to his lunch companion. The girl and I sat and listened to him spout things out of his ass the rest of lunch, I mean how could we not he was talking loud enough for everyone to hear, how could we pass up the free show.

"A wall of water, Denton doesn't get much classier then that!" - LW

"Its like Noah's ark in reverse the meat comes in two by two and dies" - MR

Ahh the joys of all you can eat temples to meat!

"Allen is like a evil MacGyver" - DP

"Ya but MacGyver doesn't usually break stuff like multi tools" - Allen

sad sad world ... my childhood is now a cost center. - DG

Hell hath no fury like a woman unspooned! - LW

ya know if my give a shit level was lower, I could be an assasian - LW

While watching the intro to the movie "Music and Lyrics"

"wow its like a bad 80's music video" - LW

"Ya I know I saw them the first time" - ME

What should I give up for lent? - ME
give up ,meat - LW
you want me to starve woman! - ME
are you not supposed to go through the same suffering that your Jesus Christ went through to save your soul?! - LW

A comment from my seamstress about my new costume for Faire.

"vest is done, and i want it for myself LOL, I like the pirate side best. it is all piratey and yet formal, it makes me giggle" - JK

yep thats me all piratey and formal.

yes another actual IM conversation.

ME: in case you want to get me something for Christmas http://blog.wired.com/gadgets/2007/04/yes_rocket_belt.html
LW: okay so you know my rule about motorcycles........?
ME: well ya but thats not a motorcycle, its a Rocket belt!
LW: yeahhhh well..... you seee....
ME: statistics show flying is safer then driving!
LW: *holds her head*
ME: you love me
LW: i do indeed

Its so true to me I had to share

A species that shuts out adversity does not survive very long in a Darwinian universe. - David Ewing Duncan, wired magazine: issue 15.05

The full text

Me: Wow did you see that 16,000 dollar wine!

LW: WHAT? How much? That wine had better be made of solid gold grapes with little diamond seeds, that a fairy danced the nutcracker suite on to crush the grapes.

another amusing IM conversation.

LW: I wanna look like a Yetti!!! http://www.ilaniowear.com/garb/coats/bamboo/index.html
PH: stupid hippie clothing
LW: no self respecting hippi would wear that
LW: thats what happens when furries and ravers mate....

more WoW amusement

seen on the Trade Channel

"LF high level JC (thats Jewelry Crafter)..I need more cuts than an emo kid on a bad day" - Random WoW player

Got this just a bit ago in a text message. Its so philosophical in its own way.

"A piece of my soul dies each philosophy class" - LW

Excerpt from a IM conversation, we were discussing a group of folks in NYC who pretend to be Jedi and practice Light Saber dueling.

Me: i mean ok i admit if someone had a class on light saber dueling I would take it but still
DS: If I had a light saber that'd mean I'd have force powers....and that'd mean really wouldn't be here at work
DS: ...otherwise I'd have to force choke a professor.
DS: "I find your lack of technology....disturbing".
DS: Damnit...I want force powers now.

Some folks just don't believe the conversations I get drawn into.

LW - "Apparently there is such a thing as an easy DNA extraction kit. It's like an ez bake oven for geeks!"

ME - "No, I'm going to just go out on a limb now and tell you no"

LW - "Awww thats not fair."

PH - "No house AI for me, No gene lab for you."

LW - "You have no appreciation for science"

PH - "Do you really want the house AI to have access to a gene lab?"

LW - "LOL Touche"